When your relationship is falling apart you feel hopeless, drained, sad, isolated… You might start feeling that you are not good enough…
“You might consider divorce but you fear all of the consequences of it… Or you absolutely despise the idea of divorcing but you feel that your efforts always take you to a dead-end…
You so desperately wish to reconnect and feel again how you felt when you first got together: passion, communication, dreams, companionship…
- Do you feel like your relationship is at a standstill?
- Are you and your partner stuck in the same argument loop every night?
- Do you feel like you and your partner are drifting away?
- Do you desire more intimacy between you and your partner?
- Do you feel lonely even being in a relationship?
- Do you feel invisible, dismissed, uncared for?
When you decided to get married you had a lot of dreams and goals. You both wanted to share a life full of passion, intimacy, and connection. You wanted to buy a house, raise children and retire together.
Once your work life ended your fun together would start. Trips, going to the beach on a daily basis, playing golf, playing cards, going on cruises and visiting with your grandchildren… Oh, how much fun!
Then only a few years down the road you do not even recognize the person you married.
The little day to day conflicts created friction, the small differences started to pull you into opposite directions, the work stress and the daily chores of raising the kids and caring for the finances and the household become priorities.
Little by little, the personal needs of each one of you went to the backburn.
Soon enough all of the things you enjoyed doing together such as date nights, weekend trips, exercising together, Netflix binges, dancing the night away, having great sex and staying late in bed, cuddling, all sound as it happened in another life.
Your “partner in crime” is now a stranger. You feel even lonelier than if you were single.
By now you are depressed and hopeless. It seems like you have lost your soulmate forever…
Therapy Benefits
The good news is that all things can be improved, changed, and bettered, no matter how big or small.
What you cannot do is to remain doing the same things and hope for a different result…
“Behind every happy couple lie two people who have fought hard to overcome all obstacles and interferences to be that way. Why? Because that is what they wanted.”
– Kim George –
Through couples therapy, you’ll create insight regarding the aspects which are unfulfilling to each of you.
You will learn how to communicate your feelings and needs and get what you want out of your relationship.
You will have an opportunity to reconnect, to rediscover, to recreate your relationship.
Many problems that couples experience are easily fixed when there is a new perspective.
Learning to attentively listen to your partner and put yourself on his/her shoes is a great start.
Learning to take criticism in a positive light, developing tools to relax and regulate your emotions opens a new way to relate where you won’t be responding on auto-pilot, out of anger or of any strong emotions.
At first, I might work as a bridge reconnecting you to your partner. I will help both of you to see the world from your partner’s perspective, to develop empathy and to explore new ways to communicate each other’s feelings, needs and wants.
I will help you to develop conflict management skills to prevent unnecessary hurt feelings and miscommunication; you will learn to attentively listen to each other and to compromise; and then together we will create the life of your dreams…
Some issues that bring couples to therapy are:
- Addiction/Partner Addiction Support
- Balance (Work/Life/Family)
- Blended Families
- Chronic Illness
- Divorce
- Extended Family
- Infidelity/Cheating
- Intimacy Problems
- Mental Illness
- Pre-Marital/Readiness
- Sex and pornography
- Financial problems
Using an open, unbiased approach, I will help you guys to explore new ways to relate and create peace, harmony, love, and connection.
You might be thinking, “Well, what if it does not work?” That is a very pertinent question.
The fact that a couple seeks therapy does not mean that everything will fall into place and they will be happy ever after. This is a fairy tale.
Happiness is built every day. And at times people who are terribly incompatible do love each other and get married.
Therapy will certainly improve many aspects of the relationship but there are a few situations in which a relationship is beyond repair.
In those cases, therapy helps people to separate in the least painful way possible and it will certainly prevent heartaches to all involved, especially children.
Couples counseling is a journey in which the destination is not always clear. It is through the investigation of the feelings, desires, difficulties, and goals of each one that we chose the destiny and trace a route.
Most times, the love is still there like a flame that is hidden in the ember, and it re-surfaces sometimes stronger than ever before. The couple, connected again, chose their destination together.
The tools acquired in therapy are taken along and they know how to be attentive to each others’ needs, how to negotiate conflict, and at times, agree to disagree.
In a few cases, a marriage is broken and unfixable. Maybe one of the partners fell out of love or fell in love with another person; maybe you both have changed values and a compromise is not possible, maybe your goals are not compatible anymore. It is just time to part.
A lot of couples would feel that it is a waste of time to go to therapy and then break apart anyway. Well, I disagree!
It is important to consider the damage that a bad breakup can cause to one partner (or both), on their finances and most importantly, to their children.
The passion which once led you to connect in love might become fuel for anger, resentment, and revenge.
A loss of energy, excessive stress, heartache and negative financial consequences will certainly happen.
Feelings of insecurity, mistrust, and anger will become “ghosts of your past” and might “haunt” your future relationships.
If you have children, it might create confusion, alienation from one parent, and a sense of mistrust that can scar the children for life. The ghosts are now haunting your children as well.
It might imply kids feeling sad, lonely and so confused that they might start having behavioral problems, lowering their grades in the school, seeking comfort on their peers and they might become susceptible to peer pressure and experimentation with drugs or alcohol in an attempt to cope with their feelings.
When a therapist is involved, the couple has an opportunity to see things from different points of view, which helps them to understand and cope with such a difficult reality without being self-absorbed and unavailable to their children.
They also have the opportunity to realize the long term effects of impulsive behaviors on the health, finances, and relationships of all family members.
Another important consideration is to remember that the tools the couple learns in therapy are not exclusive to this relationship.
Empathy, communication skills, developing intimacy, learning to negotiate conflicts, clarifying personal values, improving self-esteem among so many other skills are tools that each of you will use in life.
Not only in romantic relationships but with your children, your family, your friends, and even your business interactions.
No matter what the outcome will be, the important thing is to take control of where you are going rather than ending up in a place of sadness, mistrust, regret, and possibly a financial nightmare.
“You will either step forward into growth or backward into safety.”
– Abraham Maslow –
If any of the above relates to you and your partner, contact me today.
I will love to work with you, helping to reconnect and rekindle your love for one another, or preparing each one of you for your next love story and to have a harmonious relationship with “The Ex” in order to minimize the damages of a broken marriage.
(561) 635-2431