Life has just surprised you with very hard news. You went to a regular checkup and your doctor said you have a serious illness.
As you hear the doctor talking your mind freezes. You barely can hear what you are listening to, much less comprehend it.
The doctor says you will need more testing and is ordering these medicines and you have to return within two weeks will all the tests completed.
You leave the office and your head is spinning. A lot of medical terminologies are floating loosely in your mind.
At first, it is just confusion. Then the words start to connect and like a puzzle that you are working on, the pieces start coming together.
The picture slowly takes shape, but it is a scary picture, with a lot of pieces still missing.
Now anxiety and fear start taking place. What do I do with this information? Should I tell my spouse, my family, my friends, my job?
Should I wait for a little while, until the diagnosis is confirmed?
How can I act as if everything is normal? It is not!
What do I do? How can I hide my feelings? Should I even hide them? Who could I talk to that could help me at this point in time?
You crave the support but you fear to hurt the people you love. Besides, you might be feeling it is selfish as they might worry before time since the diagnosis is not final.
Sadness and despair might start to take over. You might go to an isolated place to reflect, you might feel like going to your place of worship to pray, to ask for help.
You are sad and angry. You knew people do get sick but you never expected it would happen to you.
You then start some google searches on the subject and you get even more confused. There is an array of information and at times, they can be very different from each other.
Learning more about your disease you start to visualize the journey that is in front of you. This is not a pretty picture…
The medicines, the treatment, the side-effects. You might lose some function, you might have to be out of work for a while or you might even have to go on disability.
It is all so unsettling, so confusing… You might feel like you were sailing and now you lost your sails or the helm of your sailboat. You lost control over the process, you might get lost, you might never get to your destination.
Finding Hope
It sounds hopeless but in fact, it is not. A therapist might assist you to learn tools to minimize the negative effects of the illness while maintaining balance, as much as possible, in your life.
Adapting to the limitations and exploring the remaining strengths promotes a sense of control over a very unsettling situation.
Having a safe space where you can express and feel the realm of different emotions you will be experiencing without feeling guilty or feeling judged, strengthens your ability to deal with all the challenges you will be experiencing.
It helps to prevent depression, to maintain a sense of self-value, to keep your mind open for possibilities.
Even in the midst of despair, there are possibilities. The human spirit is resilient and through finding meaning, all battles might be taken.
“When the unthinkable happens, the lighthouse is hope. Once we choose hope, everything is possible.”
– Christopher Reeve –
Imagine you learned to control your pain and tiredness and you are able to have exciting, productive days, in spite of your illness?
Picture you redirecting the time and energy you used to put in your work, to rekindle with the people that you love.
Imagine pursuing a few hobbies that you always wanted to pursue but never had the time.
Visualize you sharing the tools you learned to help people suffering from the same disorder. Maybe writing a book about it?
Creating a bucket list and spending all your time trying to pursue every single one of your dreams… The possibilities are infinite.
Besides, there are many people who prove the doctors wrong and either overcome an illness that should be debilitating or terminal or extend their functional lives exponentially more than it was expected.
Even in the worst situation, you will have some control.
In therapy, you will learn to connect with your inner self in order to have clarity of your options so as to make an informed decision about each step of the way.
You want to sail your own boat. Maybe now it is a smaller less powerful boat but it still can take you to great places.
Therapy will help you to make sense of your situation and to continue in charge of your own destiny.
Taking care of the caretakers
Your loved one has just been diagnosed with a serious disease. Your life is upside down.
You now have been dedicating a lot of time problem-solving and running after medicines, appointments, documents, phone calls, paying bills that keep on growing every day.
And you still need to be strong for your loved one and the rest of the family.
Sometimes you cry, you feel helpless and at times you feel overstretched and angry. All of these are natural feelings and you are entitled to it. But it certainly does not feel like it!
All of sudden you need to become a superhero and you start neglecting yourself. You stopped exercising, your meals are on the go, you caught yourself eating junk food, which seems to be the only source of comfort lately.
You have tried talking to people but they appear uncomfortable, and you feel bad “dumping your stuff” on them.
You tried praying but you feel so angry at God. And then you also feel guilty because you are angry.
The quality of your sleep is poor, you are easily startled. At times you cannot turn off your mind.
Negative thoughts flood your mind. You feel scared, sad, angry and even worse… Alone! It seems like no one can relate to your situation.
You have heard of support groups for caregivers. You tried it and felt more depressed.
Although many people in there reported being helped and finding relief when you attended you felt it did not help, it made it worse.
You are too sensitive. Listening to other people’s problems hurt you even more. Besides some people described what is still to come and you felt even more scared…
Well, you do not have to be. Seeking a therapist specialized in helping people who are suffering from chronic illness and their families will offer you a great deal of comfort.
The Benefits of Therapy
Imagine feeling free to talk about whichever emotions you are experiencing without feeling judged or guilty?
Consider the freedom of being able to talk openly without the fear of being overheard by someone who should not hear it?
Picture having someone helping you with your day to day tasks, exploring community sources of support and acting as a soundboard for your doubts, concerns and solutions?
Try to visualize you learning ways to do things differently, in order to create some “me-time” where you can recharge your batteries, once in a while?
Imagine having a safe space where you can face your innermost fears and concerns and where you can explore tools to help you to survive this challenging period of your life…
That is possible! In spite of all of the challenges, there is always a way to get better, to cope more effectively, and, to a certain degree, to foster positivity and hope.
A chronic, debilitating and even a terminal illness are extremely challenging moments. Trying to be a superhero to face it alone, if you are the patient or the caregiver, is insane.
“You either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you.”
– Josh Shipp –
Please, stop suffering alone!. Pick up the phone and let my expertise as a social worker and a former occupational therapist help you in the direction of peaceful acceptance and towards the best quality of life you can have.
(561) 635-2431